Don’t use redundant language.
Redundant language is one particular way of writing badly that wastes your writing space and annoys the committee at the same time. There are a lot of commonly used redundant phrases, but some of the most common are “actively involved” (if you’re not active, you’re not involved) “past history” (all history is in the past) and “all I can possibly do” (you can’t do anything impossibly). Eliminate these phrases from your writing as best you can, because each instance of such phrases chips away at the professionalism of your essay.
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Use transitions well.
In a nutshell, this simply means making sure your paragraphs flow well from one to the next. There’s no magic formula for doing it, but you’ll know you’ve done it when the last sentence of one paragraph seems to lead nicely into the first sentence of the next paragraph. Without good transitions, an essay is choppy and doesn’t read well. Do your best to make smooth transitions between each paragraph, and the committee members will be much more likely to enjoy reading your essay.
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Use a closing.
It’s disappointing when an applicant is rolling along with an excellent essay, and then all of a sudden, bang! It’s over. Or at least, we think it’s over. We don’t see a next page, so we assume it must be over. The reason for our confusion is the writer’s lack of a closing. A closing is the natural tie-up of the ideas of your essay, nicely brought to a satisfying end, and your essay needs one.
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Don’t start your closing with, “In closing.”
That’s cheating. It’s also the equivalent of starting your introduction with “I deserve this award because” – it’s not creative at all. Your closing should speak for itself, without a need to say “in closing” or “listen up, committee, here comes my closing.” It’s a challenge, but you can do it.
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Don’t begin your essay with “My name is.”
Your name should be on the page elsewhere, eliminating any need for you to waste the all-important first sentence of your essay by simply stating your name.
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Don’t use acronyms without explaining them first.
You may know what FBLA or JA or AYBWA is, but that doesn’t mean your committee members do. There are hundreds of student organizations out there these days, and not even the most up-to-date scholarship judge is going to know all of them. Spell out the words of the acronym the first time you refer to the organization, and then you can use the acronym from then on.
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Send in your essay near the beginning or the end of the application period.
Psychological studies indicate that people tend to recall items at the beginning of a list and the end of a list far better than they do those in the middle of the list. Try it yourself — go look at 20 items in your kitchen, 20 books in your bookcase, or any set of 20 things. Then leave the room, come back, and see which items you remember. You’ll certainly remember the very last item or two, because they were the most recent things you saw. And for some reason, you’ll remember the first few as well.
Why does it work this way? Beats me, but it works. This is why a highly-touted study method advises you to study in short bursts of an hour at a time and taking frequent breaks, rather than one long period. With many different bursts, there are many different beginnings and endings that stick in your brain, and that increases your total recall.
How does that possibly relate to when you should send in your scholarship essay? Because scholarship judges reading through scholarship essays are the same as you looking through your kitchen items or books, except on a larger scale over a longer period of time (the entire application period). A scholarship judge is much more likely to recall the first few great essays he read and the last few great essays he read than he is to recall some great ones that came along in the middle. This doesn’t mean your judge is dumb or forgetful (he may be both, but not on the basis of this phenomenon alone) – it just means he’s human. And if there’s one point I like to hammer home over and over again in this book, it’s that judges are subject to normal human tendencies and you should, where possible, exploit those tendencies.
So when it comes time to send your essay, do so on Day 1 (if you buy the theory that it gives the judges months to soak in how great you are, day after day) or near the end of the application period (if you prefer the recency angle). Either choice leaves you better off than applying in the middle of the application period.
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Don’t write the same essay for all the scholarships you apply for.
Lots and lots of students do this, and you may be one of them. Every now and then, students get the idea that they’ve written one essay that’s so perfect in every way that it can be used to win not only one scholarship, but multiple scholarships. So they submit this essay for each scholarship they find, heedless of the particular requirements of each contest they’re entering.
This is generally a very bad idea, for this reason: how likely is it, really, that one essay will even address the specific topics you’re required to discuss on different scholarship applications? I suppose there’s a small likelihood that a very, very general topic – maybe, “Tell us about yourself” or something equally vague – may be used on more than one scholarship application that you run across. Beyond that, though, it seems unlikely that the same essay will precisely address what different scholarship committees ask you to address. It’s easy to spot a cookie-cutter essay, because it usually bears little resemblance to what we’ve asked for. For example, if our contest asks you to describe how you see yourself in 10 years, and you submit an essay that tells your life story from childhood to the present day but doesn’t mention a thing about your future, then we’re guessing you’re probably carpet-bombing the scholarship world with that essay. Or, as my father would say, throwing a handful of shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. Trust me, nothing will stick.
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Don’t write or ask the committee or granting institution for advice on how to write your essay.
About once a day, someone calls our office asking about our scholarships. “What do you mean by this question?” they ask. “How should I write this? What are you looking for me to say here?”
The answer is always the same: Write it however you like. The company or institution giving the scholarship is going to lay down some guidelines for you in the instructions, but beyond that, it’s up to you. Often, there will be some intentional vagueness or, as we prefer to say, “room for interpretation” in those instructions. That’s because we want to see how you interpret the question and what road you take to answer it. We can’t tell you exactly what to write – it’s your job to come up with that on your own.
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Show your essay to a teacher who doesn’t like you – or at least doesn’t know you.
Students who actually do go the extra mile and show their essay to a teacher before sending it often go straight to their favorite teacher, or at least one who likes them a lot. That’s natural, but if that person is your favorite teacher, then he/she probably likes you, too, and may be likely to pat you on the back and tell you what you want to hear rather than give you the honest feedback your essay needs to improve. This isn’t always the case, but it can be, especially with that teacher who seems to want to be good buddies with lots of the students (every school has one). On the other hand, a teacher who doesn’t know you (and especially one who does know you and isn’t particularly fond of you) doesn’t have any reason to lie to you about your essay’s shortcomings. In fact, a teacher who doesn’t like you may enjoy the opportunity to criticize you. You might as well let him/her do so in a way that helps you out – you could get some very useful feedback from the process. Plus, as an aside, you’ll probably earn some respect from that teacher as well. If you know he/she doesn’t like you and you still go ask for his/her expertise, that shows guts.
NOTE: I know some of you reading this are thinking something like, “Gosh, I know all the teachers, and I can’t even think of ONE teacher who doesn’t like me. They all like me!” If that’s the case, then – well, good for you. Keep in touch with as many of them as you can for future recommendation letters and references!
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